I sat in the waiting room with one other woman. She was older, probably my mother’s age. We didn’t make eye contact as we mindlessly flipped the pages of our magazines. The industrial clock on the wall noted the passage of time with slow clicks and added to my anxiety. I can’t speak for her’s. It was the fall of 1995. Two days prior, I had awakened to find a large lump in my breast. It was Labor Day, so I had to wait. My doctor got me in to see her the same day and arranged for my mammogram the next day. Things moved quickly, until after the mammo. Until the waiting room, then time slowed.

Click, click…

Finally the tech came into the room. Hand on my shoulder, an ever so slight smile on her face, asked, “Is anyone with you?” My fear overflowed into the room, closely followed by my tears as I was told they would need to talk to me. The motherly woman across from me did what mothers do and said, “It will be okay, honey”. My barely uttered words,

“But I have a five year old”.

Click, click…

Then time shifted again. Words defined moments…You need to have a biopsy. You have cancer. We’ll schedule you for surgery. We will remove your right breast. You will go home the same day. We will know more about treatment after.

Click, click…

But I have a five year old.

In the pre-Google world, my waking hours were filled with unanswered questions. What was the survival rate? Who would take Adam to the Y for his soccer game? Would I live to see him graduate, marry, have children?

Awaking from surgery, I was told that the doctors were wrong. I didn’t have cancer. I stopped asking questions. I didn’t need to know more. Gratitude was overflowing.

Twenty-three years and several health scares since, life has been so good to me. I have learned that I don’t need all of the answers, because despite my fears, I have survived. I have also learned that life doesn’t follow “waiting room time”. It goes much more quickly and although I would love to slow it down some, when I stay in the present, I find joy.

My five year old is now my twenty eight year old. This past Saturday he married the love of his life, and I was there.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sherri Walker for the Poplar Grove Muse